Friday, December 31, 2010

New Years Eve -

New Years Eve today (: "sigh"..... can I tell you how excited I am to put this year 2010 behind me? Its been a very rewarding year with the birth of my daughter... so the most heartbreaking year!! I have learned with every challenge it has brought me and am only better and stronger than ever. Its time for myself to start coming first I am always so worried about pleasing everyone else and everyone else feelings and I need to be a happy healthy mom for my daughter. Its the most important thing in the world. I am so excited for the opportunities that await me and Aijla.. there are still going to be days that I need an "kick in the butt" but that comes with the healing process. I can finally say I am healing it feels great to know that my day has come:) I am going to focus on my career more and pushing myself more than I ever have I want to succeed and I'm the only one who has the power to do so. I have so many goals I want to accomplish this year for 2011 and I am on the right track. No one is going to control me and what I do I have allowed myself to be strung for so long the past 8 months and I lost control of who the real Jenna is.. its time to move on and make myself happy. Who knows what the future has in store for me and my daughter new people, old people only time will tell... but I do like everyone else... want a happy ending !!!

Have a save and happy new year everyone


Friday, December 17, 2010

Work Christmas Social

Tis the Season once again for our annual work Christmas Social. I call it a social cause its no where near a party haha but its still very fun to get everyone together for a few hours and have some fun.
 cute girls I work with
My little brother Jorden who Works with me as well <3
a few of the ladies in our company homemade the food it was so yummy way better then last year it was like Thanksgiving Dinner all over again.
Shelbi, Myself and Cindy
Thank these wonderful ladies for there hard work in the Kitchen :)
Not really sure who these ladies are... jk We <3 them
It was a fun little get together I won a $50 gift card to Sears witch was nice even though I dont think ive ever even been to Sears... so im gonna go check it out.

Happy Holidays!!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

All good things come to an end...

Well its been finally said and done with December 12 ,2010 it has all come to an end.. I guess you could say I knew this day was coming I was just hoping it never would... wishful thinking i guess :( I gave it my all for the past 7 months with very minimal in return always talking myself into trying more and more everyday even though it hurt so bad. I never wanted to give up on the one thing that mattered to me the most.  Weston called me and i could tell he was upset he said he just wanted to tell me sorry for all the pain he has caused me... well and that was it the conversation was short and ended. If been told to leave Weston alone and to not talk to him unless it has to do with our daughter its very hard for me to cope with. Knowing I'm only hurting myself trying to talk to him when i know the outcome isn't going to change. When something like this is said to you, Quote "Jenna if i wanted to try and make things work I would, if i wanted to hangout with you then I would ask" he even asked me  Quote " Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want the same thing back?" It finally hit me like a ton of bricks... and i knew it was over i knew for my own sanity i have to move on i should of done this months and months ago but i didn't I can move on with my head held high knowing i did everything i could to be with him. Hes not happy and neither was i to be honest if only he wanted to give it all to me things in my eyes would of been great.. but then again maybe I'm just justifying everything to be with him. He gave me a beautiful daughter and that's all that matters at the end of this hes a great dad with her and as long as hes in her life I'm happy. My emotions are still all over the place there will be days that are better than others but I'm going to keep smiling as i deserve to be happy :) I have deleted the last and finally connection we have tied together (besides our daughter) but that is Fb I'm sick of being hurt and i think the only way for me to heal is to be out of all the drama.. friends family everything its not good for me right now and i really hope this helps.Well i really hope there is never another hurting Blog about me life with Weston.. well actually there probably will be since i know this isn't going to be easy.. but its life and it doesn't always go as planned... until next time keep your fingers crossed for me!!

- Jenna

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Take a Number :)

Wow!! So much has changed in my life I went from thinking I was going to be alone to many opportunities to not be alone!! Its so hard for me to date right now I have gone out a few time with a couple different guys it was fun, I laughed kept my mind occupied for the time being but I still am having the hardest time with it. Guess that means I'm not ready yet you think>? I have no idea what to do... I still talk to Steve every now and then hes a great guy hes just looking for more one on one relationship and its not something I see myself in. We haven't hung out in quite some time. I have met a few others a plumber from my work.. hes super sweet and actually got in touch with some old people i use to go out with they both have little girls that are so cute!! and its a great feeling knowing there are so many boys that are willing to out of there way to show you they care its very flattering to have all these guys throwing themselves at me in all i guess i just wish Weston would see what a great person i really am and want to come home to his family all i can think about is the one who left me broken hearted and doesn't care...  I haven't gone out recently with anyone and I have allot of pressure put on me to continue to hangout with the few i was seeing... I just want to be alone is that OK? I'm not over Weston and its hard for me to even think about being with someone else right now... So many choices in life and I guess I'm trying to figure out what is best for me and my daughter but I think I'm on the right path to healing and everyday i get better and stronger to sometime soon show someone how much love I can give!

New look at life [=

Gosh were to I even start... So much has happened in a better way then that last time I have posted. Weston went back to his old ways of not wanting to make things work once again... shocker huh? haha hes so confused in life its ridiculous i don't doubt that he loves me and one day wants to be with me... but right now he docent want me. Funny thing is he doesn't want me IN his life nor OUT of his life. He is still currently seeing the other chick and that bothers me allot.. no one wants to be treated like this and I believe there is allot more going on then I even know. One thing I do know is that I feel very good about my life I feel OK and that this is where I need to be I don't waste my days and nights crying and begging for him to come back... cause hes just not and there is no point in my wasting my feelings on someone who doesn't care. Its taken me along time to get to this day I mean a REALLY long time... I'm still sad but better than a few months ago I have a beautiful daughter who gets to be with me everyday and its what my life is about. I have still been seeing Weston here and there its definitely not easy by any means but it is what it is. I'm hoping its not to late when he actually lets me know what he wants in life.... one thing i do know its doesn't involve me for the time being. I'm still smiling and doing my thing but there are allot of others out there that are willing to show me exactly what I want I guess when I feel its right for me to give my heart to someone else I will.

Family Pictures

Aijla and I recently went and got out pictures taken with Chad from Faces Photography! It was so cold but I was so excited to finally get some update photos done of me and her. She was being such a good baby and giving me all her faces that we <3. But trust me that didnt last long Im thinking its because she was getting over having a cold and just didnt feel well.
Isnt she the most adorable thing you have ever seen!!!!!!!
We had a good time with what shots we got we didnt stay long cause there ended up being more crying shots than anything.
Hope you Enjoy and Happy Holidays!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Its nights like this..make me miss you

I'm home snuggled up with baby Aijla and its the best feeling in the world! Its the first blizzard of the year and we are just locking ourselves in the house watching movies in our jammies drinking hot coco :) its nights like this that I miss being a family with Weston. He told me yesterday that he wanted to take things slow and work our way to being a family again!! I was shocked I had no idea what to even say... honestly I have waited months for him to say this to me to actually want to take a risk. I hope hes telling me his true feelings and really wants to do this 110%. He told me he wanted to start slow and make a great friendship again before we jump back into anything. I already don't see him enough that it actually hurt my feelings... I'm so sick of being alone I just don't know what to think about it.  I know we need to be friends but I want a partner not a buddy.. I'm going to do whatever it takes and not give up I just wish he was with me and Aijla tonight chilling like a family waiting out the storm :(  hes at his house didn't really seem like he wanted to chill. I want to be happy is that so hard to ask for? I'm so scared I'm going to get hurt again.. I just wish he was jumping for joy to want to be with us.. anyways its a great time of the year and I'm so grateful to have baby Aijla with me and I'm going to take in the moment now and be happy I'm alive.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas

SNOW!!! Yes its finally here!! Now the Holidays are even closer I am especially excited this year to have Aijla and my family.. seriously nothing beats family. Its going to get sad since this will be the first year with out Weston but I have to look at it as a new start for me and Aijla so much more fun and cheer coming our way!! I'm jamming to Christmas music already at work its drives everyone crazy especially jorden.. its great i love itI can finally say I'm EXCITED about the Holidays now. Ive gotten way positive the past week in knowing that its over and how much better i deserve and i need to put all of this love and dedication into making myself happy and not someone who isn't worthy of it.
ahhh.... I went to Costco today and bought 4 decent size poinsettias to decorate the house with i love the feel its added to the house already!! i just wanna put my tree up too.. but ill wait one more week!! I'm going to buy Aijla her first ornament and hang it on our special family tree :) Thanksgiving is in less than a week its so crazy how fast time is flying when you have a child that keeps you busy all day everyday!! Me and Aijla are going to sleep at Nana Cindy's house so when we wake up we will be surrounded by people we <3 and start the festivities... I hope everyone has a great Holiday!!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

" When a heart breaks, it don't break even"

Day # 2 without talk, text, or anything from Weston. I feel so much better most days but it's so few and far between. I'm super down this morning and I just don't understand how someone can do this to their family? I'm falling to pieces and he doesn't care. How can someone want a baby and a family and then one day not and just walk away start dating someone else who has small kids and everything just be ok? This hurts so bad, I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired!!! I deserve to be happy to and I feel like this pain isn't going to to away for a really long time :( I miss so much about my family!! I know this isn't just going to go away over night but i just want to feel loved again... is that so much to ask? I tried everything for my little girl to see her parents together and it just wasn't "worth it" to him. It breaks my heart, I never signed up to do this alone... I can do it so that's better than most people can say but it's not what I had planned. I feel so empty and taken for granted BIG TIME. He knows how to get to me and I hate being hurt while hes just out with some other chick then when shes not around hes texing and talking to me... I thought he was somebody different and he totally made me see his true colors. I'm not going to be around forever and i think he thinks that but all he can be to me is Aijla's daddy. He needs to leave the Pieces and go!! I need to be strong and keep my chin up I have a lot going for me in life and I can't let this get to me and bring me down. It's so much easier said then done.

On a better note...

I have started talking to this guy Steve and it's amazing how much someone can impact your life with a little bit of smiles and laughter :) It makes you think about how much better you feel knowing there is someone else out there and you wonder what you have been doing crying over someone who doesn't love you for the past months... I feel like SUPER Jenna when we talk. It's the little things and that's what matter the most. I get giddy and actually look forward to the next time we talk its a great feeling. I'm not ready for a relationship but it's great to have a new friend like this... and maybe when I'm ready it could go somewhere... He keeps me happy and already knows what a great genuine person I am without even really knowing me.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Such a Great New Day :)

Ahhh.. I had such a better day today then most. Work was so busy so it kept my mind going and thanks to good friends I make it though the day! I seriously couldnt do it without chelsea.We went to school together back in the day... lost touch and now have regained our friendship through this hard time in my life. She has been though this and it helps out alot when someone who has experienced this same thing can tell you everyday " trust me in time it gets easier" when I am at my lowest she is there for me, no matter how many days I cry to her it never gets old she just sits back and listens. I am so grateful to have her by my side. We also have the most beautiful kids and am so happy Aijla has her little Brookers to play with they are so cute together.. and of coarse Aijla will be watching over Brooklyn through the years :) Its amazing what children can do to your life and I couldnt be more grateful to have Aijla.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Sad our fresh new start!

Yay!! Thanks to my Bff Chelsea I have decided to get a blog so I can share so many life changes with everyone! This is so great to me I wonder why it took me so long to do this? Ahhh, anyway life has really changed so much for me in the past 6 months. I have a beautiful baby girl Aijla Jo and I couldn't be happier! She has brought so much love and laughter to my life and she makes every day worth smiling for. Her father and I have been though a lot this past year, having a child isn't easy and sometimes when you think you are ready you realize you are not and he realized that and left.....]=  I have been through hell and back this past month trying to deal with the fact that I lost my partner and someone who I thought loved me. I am having the hardest time everyday... I just feel so lost and alone. I don't understand how someone can just leave their family behind. I tried EVERYTHING I could to keep my family together... that's what you do when you love someone so much. He didn't care, he chose what he thought was best for him and I hope he is happy with the choices he has made. I have experienced the pain, handled it, and now it's time for me to try and move on. I have a little girl who needs to know her momma's going to smile again. She makes everything worth it [=

Lately I have been working like crazy the past couple months with my new property opening up and doing a very intense lease-up. I love my career and have come so far with it and am very happy with the accomplishments I have made in propery management. I am going to keep working my way to the top :)

I am so EXCITED for the Holidays I seriously can't wait to share this special seasion with Aijla, great family, and amazing friends. It's definitely going to be different this year and I know I'm probably going to get sad but at least I have Aijla. Hearing Christmas music on the radio already makes me so giddy!!! Yay! I can't wait and I'm going to try my hardest to keep being strong because I have so much to look forward to in life and I cant wait to share it with everyone... <3