Monday, February 28, 2011

been a while

I wish I had so many exciting things to tell you since the last time I have blogged however there isn't much that is worth talking about ;) I have been putting all my daytime focus on work, making sure everything is done and on time. there are allot of things that I need to accomplish that I haven't quite figured out yet, I feel like there is no one that I can go to and its really effecting me. I'm barley getting by these days financially I have only myself to really make this better for me and my daughter and I'm hoping I can get everything back to how it was 
Putting that aside I'm just being a momma its the best thing in the world Aijla is getting so much personality more and more everyday She is really the only reason I smile :) She is going to be one in a little over a month and its crazy to me how FAST it has gone by shes totally changed she has thinned out a little and its turning into a really beautiful girl.. we went and bought her new earrings this weekend there clear rhinestones in the shape of a heart they look so freaking cute on her and make her just look so much more girly I <3 them.
Tax time came which has been a life saver knowing I can get rid of some debt that I have been holding on for awhile and has really hurt me paying it off alone... so there is a little bit of relief financially for me!! YAY!!!
Haven't really been dating all to much the past month I kind of took myself back from the positions I was in due to not being happy with myself and there is no need dragging someone else into how I feel. it defiantly changed how I look at my life and the best thing I have figured out recently was that I need to start living my life for myself!! I don't really know how to put it into words but there is a part of me that didn't really do the things I wanted cause of the fear Aijla's father would judge me and some how would make me feel horrible about my life... its a terrible thing to think but its how I have been living until about the last few weeks I have decided to slowly let all communication go away unless it was only about our daughter.
Life is going to get better for me I really am going to not give up even though sometimes I feel like its the easiest thing in the world to do I'm not a quitter and wont allow myself to do this.

Hope everyone enjoys there Monday [=

Thursday, February 10, 2011

My life be like.....

I cant believe its almost been a month since the last time I have blogged. So much has been happening in my life this past little bit and I feel I need to get a few things off my chest. Aijla is SO big now she is 10 months and its gone by so fast she is tearing up the house more than ever now that she can crawl, getting into the Tupperware throwing it around the kitchen I'm always running behind her cleaning up something. This morning it was cotton balls between her and the dog they make a great team :).

 Ive been finally hanging out with more Friends which has made me allot happier knowing there are others out there that really do care to have me around its a very nice feeling to have.Work has been going good we had another flood like last year a week ago and that was horrible it just makes work crazy and the clean up in unreal i just want summer to come already, but i have been stepping up my game and trying to focus on the more important things in life.I have been getting along with aijlas father for the most part this past month i still never do anything right for him though if I do something or don't do something he still finds a way to get mad at me... I feel like sometimes I wanna just run away from my problems I have been battling them for almost a year. I am more stronger than I was a month ago so that has helped me out ALOT.. I had a friend tell me the other day, You know Jenna its not about moving on... its about accepting the fact its not what you want in your life.Ever since I heard this it has made so much since to me. The sun is sure shinning for me again in the lifetime I have a beautiful daughter, a great job, a house over our head my life is very simple and I love it. I look forward to sharing it with someone in the future, Until then thanks everyone for always making me smile and being there for me... you all know who you are <3