tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22812891697954710522023-11-16T07:31:36.266-08:00Just the 2 of usJennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-76209244031335200232011-05-02T21:10:00.000-07:002011-05-02T21:10:20.125-07:00PatienceWhy is it so hard to be patient? This I am trying to figure out I feel like I should be able to just have everything I want when I want it.. I know crazy and super selfish but I am working on this every day. Everyday all I hear from so many people is to be patient I have still been looking for a job and its not easy.. ya I could just go out and get any job however I feel like I have enough skill and experience in property management and I just need to be Patient for the right opportunity and it just hasen happened yet. We almost going on 2 months of not working and its really wearing me out I'm trying to stay positive but its so hard so TODAY I'm refocusing my attitude on YES I can do this :)!! I am going to expand my searches to just get in the door to a company even if I have to start at the bottom it will be worth it to me and the company they will see that i am a very good asset!!<br />
When I want something I will do everything in my power to make it happen and i feel like I haven't really wanted to try so hard to actually get work again I have enjoyed being with my daughter however its time I really need the income its finally catching up to me.<br />
I have never really been one to give up on anything I was not born that way... but patience I feel sometimes is a game in life and its a game that I have a hard time playing with I feel like it should just happen.. haha I know I know my girlfriends tell me all the time to RELAX!! I'm a go getter and I'm really trying to not give up on the things I want in life especially LOVE!!!<br />
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Well to a new day tomorrow with new goals and to try and be PATIENT like everyone says<br />
"EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON".. IN TRYING TO KEEP THE FAITH WITH THIS <3Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-6390468233917280552011-04-27T20:41:00.000-07:002011-04-27T20:41:16.280-07:00Everything Happens for a reasonToday has been one of those days that makes it really hard to see the glass "half full".. I am still struggling to find a job that I know will be great for me and my daughter, I attended the UAA trade show today its a very fun event that allot of vendors set up booths and try and get business I know many people in this industry so I attended with a few of my friends and it was really fun got my name out there a bit more and it was nice for everyone to see my face again.. I was a little thrown off by an ex co worker / boss who said to me, " So what brings you here today?" I was just thinking to myself.. listen B**ch try and take me out all you want however you cant break me so go kick rocks :) Some people think they are better than others however I can remember once when she was in my same position... Right when I am totally fine with one thing in my life there is always something else happening.. I was recently told that someone close to me has joined the Navy this was a complete surprise however I am very happy for him at the same time he needs to do what makes him happy and I know that I haven't always been there for him as much as he would like and I feel bad for this. He is now leaving and there is nothing I can do about it except support him and I will to the fullest. Things happen for reasons unknown sometimes I wish I could change things that have already happened but I cant I just have to go with how I feel in life and if the timing is right then it is. I have met a lot of new people this past month and have been having so much fun with great friends :) I seriously don't know what I would do without Chelsea, Taylor and Alaina they have helped me SO MUCH lately and trying to keep me positive in this job search and I just love them so much and am so happy they are apart of my life... I may just have to move home rent my condo out just to stay a float till I find something its so hard for me to see myself doing cause I have done everything on my own I had everything and now I feel like I'm slowly losing everything... but like they say everything happens for a reason and I'm going to keep reminding myself this and hopefully everything that is meant for me in my life will all happen when its suppose to be (: I'm learning to be patientJennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-67982173992998323552011-04-20T21:42:00.000-07:002011-04-20T21:42:29.618-07:00I am the Lucky One<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>I am truly blessed to have such a beautiful little girl, it has been such a blessing to be able to be home with her this past month and spend much needed time together. Most of you are aware that Miss Aijla is quite the talker she will have full on conversations with you in her jarggoning jumble :) its the cutest thing ever she just wants to tell you so bad what she is saying. Aijla recently had a birthday she is now ONE and I swear she thinks she is SOO big she goes up and down the couch constantly she would do it all day long if I let her, along with outside she loves to sit on the porch yell things to no one and just enjoy herself. I'm not sure if Aijla or Blaze (dog) like the dog kennel more whenever Aijla gets quite I can always find her sitting in the kennel its so funny she thinks she sneaky!! I don't think Aijla has to many bad days she is always smiling and makes sure her momma is doing the same:) every morning she makes me walk around the house to all the photos of us so she can see.. its adorable she loves looking at herself.... I could be in serious trouble !!!I cant imagine my life without her and I'm glad I never have to she has keep me smiling, being strong, happy and loving my life lately<br />
Keeps me holding on tight telling me everything is going to be alright, we are in this together <3<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixOfL8h3NcpVJmoXD3CQLshj8rLwXdyMmLXWWV-H_jLblkSUBcjXIcKAVEhlse_DiAVbBBda6P3TLIGEbDBzy2VKcR-W03_TYVuL_VL6C4fP3zDd6HeeP-T2mG5mEw18VimSB_l0ecfMrx/s1600/aijla+and+mom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" i8="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixOfL8h3NcpVJmoXD3CQLshj8rLwXdyMmLXWWV-H_jLblkSUBcjXIcKAVEhlse_DiAVbBBda6P3TLIGEbDBzy2VKcR-W03_TYVuL_VL6C4fP3zDd6HeeP-T2mG5mEw18VimSB_l0ecfMrx/s320/aijla+and+mom.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Stuck together like Glue</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"> <3 Jenna</div>Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-24437812190752774142011-04-11T15:15:00.000-07:002011-04-11T15:15:29.224-07:00Little Bit Stronger!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Can I just tell how nice it feels when you finally start to put yourself first.. theres nothing more draining then trying to please people who don't appreciate you. I'm staying more positive with each new day and its made a real impact in my happiness. I have also been taking dance the past couple weeks and all I can say is how much I have missed this part of my life and i look forward to each new week. Its been really nice being able to spend more time with my daughter while I still look for a job she really is such an amazing little girl and keeps me going strong everyday.I want Aijla to live her childhood and not worry about how her mommy is doing, I wish so many nights I could take back her seeing me cry but I can promise her that its finally over its now my time to be happy for what I do currently have and not what I cant change. I am learning to live again and I really hope others finally can see it in me.I have come a long way from a year ago and my progress hasn't been fast nor easy but I cant help how I feel no matter how other people look at it, the process has been grueling and I am finally ready to make a difference in my life :) <br />
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JennaJennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-53653575856153310252011-03-26T20:03:00.000-07:002011-03-26T20:03:48.504-07:00I can no longer let myself feel like thisThere has been A LOT that has gone on in my life this past year that many of you don't know. My daughter is almost one in a couple weeks and its been the greatest. I am truly blessed that I have her in my life. Her dad left shortly after he she was born and realized that being with me wasn't what he wanted. Its been unbelievable hard on me I feel like i haven't made much progress since then and its almost been a year.I have tried to date get my mind of things and I'm just not fully were i need to be in order to give someone my all. I'm truly sorry to those out there i really am. I think being a girl we tend to get over things different some faster than others and I'm just on the slow end. I truly loved Aijlas dad we could of had a great life together and such amazing family.... well actually I still do love him is the thing.I love him just the same even if we never had a daughter..:( I have been through so much that i wish i didn't but at the end i feel like i will come out stronger than before. My situation has been different then most people know cause i had many reasons to think and feel like there still could be a little "hope". <br />
i guess all this time i was putting all my effort on this and him. i need to redirect my self and focus on me and my daughter I cant help someone not help there self. He chose to leave and i cant go everyday hoping he will realize that this family that he though he wanted is were he should be. He tells me all the time he doesn't want me out of his life, we text daily call each other daily but yet he doesn't want to be with me either, Someone told me exactly what it was and that its not that he actually misses being with me or he would be, he misses the fact of me being around not me actually...hopefully that makes since to you... I think there is more to it that i wont ever understand or know but I wish he would stop hurting me figure out what he wants and actually go for it.<br />
He is a great dad now and i am seriously so thankful that aijla will have him in her life she really loves being with him and i need to not let my emotions get in the way. I let him hurt me daily and he doesn't care how i feel you would think that i would want better for myself and i don't have a real response to that.. i just need time away and for me and my daughter its ok that this love didn't work out its ok to be broken it happens to everyone it gets us to were we all are today.<br />
Someone will come into my life and never do anything to hurt me.... its going to take myself to let go and it started today...<br />
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You really don't realize what you had till its gone and its too late....Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-63032389038835855072011-03-26T18:00:00.000-07:002011-03-26T18:00:29.997-07:00The BIG 25WOW! I'm 25... not sure if i feel happy about this or sad that I'm getting so old and not were I want to be in life. Its OK ill take happy for now i have a beautiful daughter to have and to hold forever, great friends and amazing family :) I had a really great day actually everyone was so kind and wished me happy birthday it feels nice to have a day about you especially now that I'm a mom i like it even better. We went to benihanas for dinner me and chels it was so much fun met a really nice couple from Tennessee and they bought our whole mean it was amazing and I will never forget about them and this day.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKcGHazS4fYuVh9Sl0iEbhVHo2jkqmN4QV4ThT1xVbj9p7_ku8BjXGmm4Ehg8jh9reE-NEzntaobZtqvjXyHcAfiH2CJdzKjZZt3fAe0MkD9NNgj8PxcNAji3H17S_nQkvcJU2yQMvbmy8/s1600/189023_1902604852719_1469643641_32141642_7787675_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKcGHazS4fYuVh9Sl0iEbhVHo2jkqmN4QV4ThT1xVbj9p7_ku8BjXGmm4Ehg8jh9reE-NEzntaobZtqvjXyHcAfiH2CJdzKjZZt3fAe0MkD9NNgj8PxcNAji3H17S_nQkvcJU2yQMvbmy8/s320/189023_1902604852719_1469643641_32141642_7787675_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> after that we went to Keys on Main and it was a blast.. ha ha from what I can remember it was crazy night and i was toast by about 10:30! We got great pictures and I have to say I have the best friends ever Thanks to Chelsea for making sure my hot mess got home safe.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEqokmpRu83claJK3HFKNboLnGZULFWWS1NL4WW7XnwANM_56JWyEaLE-WiiijBM_5YYEKaqVQa8mJ4ZLZhQo7isIZCXEZVc03bwVWMKR2UQXTIJGcmVelioVKtUbck-JWZVcdhPdbMctV/s1600/190208_1902608332806_1469643641_32141654_6499696_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgEqokmpRu83claJK3HFKNboLnGZULFWWS1NL4WW7XnwANM_56JWyEaLE-WiiijBM_5YYEKaqVQa8mJ4ZLZhQo7isIZCXEZVc03bwVWMKR2UQXTIJGcmVelioVKtUbck-JWZVcdhPdbMctV/s320/190208_1902608332806_1469643641_32141654_6499696_n.jpg" width="258" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijh3qJ7MoqWod28cPMBLXg1XPYwzf5J3Zccie9FlXUIom_Dw0sXA1friubp2KRHEktac3gqS_JvNR6DFIKNEaikMjFNo3-rPTXwp5UrajwhBBIXJBJRbTxNGheFNrziUsFzzeIIrrCmVLk/s1600/199723_1902605732741_1469643641_32141645_5658985_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijh3qJ7MoqWod28cPMBLXg1XPYwzf5J3Zccie9FlXUIom_Dw0sXA1friubp2KRHEktac3gqS_JvNR6DFIKNEaikMjFNo3-rPTXwp5UrajwhBBIXJBJRbTxNGheFNrziUsFzzeIIrrCmVLk/s320/199723_1902605732741_1469643641_32141645_5658985_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSoPpti8g2gRKx-qRrmUPPtDMxB9cX5oknbMEJrELmCvx8bmLKVm2ac5Q_5IsBpmG3RDJ3qcLfH8OoL-_QjYGmHitgm7u7hgt2TvMROrxybKdSk67Biwr6TvyYgKxvxgXD4DFo0dKQmVAn/s1600/190370_1902610052849_1469643641_32141661_7962562_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSoPpti8g2gRKx-qRrmUPPtDMxB9cX5oknbMEJrELmCvx8bmLKVm2ac5Q_5IsBpmG3RDJ3qcLfH8OoL-_QjYGmHitgm7u7hgt2TvMROrxybKdSk67Biwr6TvyYgKxvxgXD4DFo0dKQmVAn/s320/190370_1902610052849_1469643641_32141661_7962562_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> Love you all<br />
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<div align="center"></div>Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-56936744461959267702011-03-26T17:40:00.000-07:002011-03-26T17:40:07.513-07:00Unemployed...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFnY6mG7A-gJiu5_Rvgpdd9caj87uCDQqsfcZxfBtig8RdZikp4iVFG3HHhNHHztyAQReEHhDnZ5ygIT0mFPAHO6YaqbGnAWGALm8JDLOkmJWlKzS1fie_NigMGEnANg-9tontTokkY_wQ/s1600/enem%255Bplpyed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" r6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFnY6mG7A-gJiu5_Rvgpdd9caj87uCDQqsfcZxfBtig8RdZikp4iVFG3HHhNHHztyAQReEHhDnZ5ygIT0mFPAHO6YaqbGnAWGALm8JDLOkmJWlKzS1fie_NigMGEnANg-9tontTokkY_wQ/s320/enem%255Bplpyed.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
well I have been really hard on myself the past few weeks not having a job.. i know right I'm surprised as much as you all. my last post was about me trying so hard at my job... and now this!! i loved my job i tried so hard the past couple months making sure my i's were dotted and my t's were crossed but it wasn't good enough for some people. i loved artspace a lot really thought after 2.5 years i was gonna be there for a long time. its over and I'm trying to make this positive and really think there is something better waiting for me I have a job interview with a company Monday morning and feel really good about it lets hope it all works out. its been really nice spending time with my daughter more however i feel I'm less productive and I'm made to work and provide for my daughter she is all I have and I need to make sure our life is set.<br />
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keep your fingers crossed for us!!<br />
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xoxo JennaJennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-69539605974788576752011-02-28T13:09:00.000-08:002011-02-28T13:09:25.991-08:00been a while<span style="font-size: x-small;">I wish I had so many exciting things to tell you since the last time I have blogged however there isn't much that is worth talking about ;) I have been putting all my daytime focus on work, making sure everything is done and on time. there are allot of things that I need to accomplish that I haven't quite figured out yet, I feel like there is no one that I can go to and its really effecting me. I'm barley getting by these days financially I have only myself to really make this better for me and my daughter and I'm hoping I can get everything back to how it was </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Putting that aside I'm just being a momma its the best thing in the world Aijla is getting so much personality more and more everyday She is really the only reason I smile :) She is going to be one in a little over a month and its crazy to me how<u> FAST </u>it has gone by shes totally changed she has thinned out a little and its turning into a really beautiful girl.. we went and bought her new earrings this weekend there clear rhinestones in the shape of a heart they look so freaking cute on her and make her just look so much more girly I <3 them.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Tax time came which has been a life saver knowing I can get rid of some debt that I have been holding on for awhile and has really hurt me paying it off alone... so there is a little bit of relief financially for me!! YAY!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Haven't really been dating all to much the past month I kind of took myself back from the positions I was in due to not being happy with myself and there is no need dragging someone else into how I feel. it defiantly changed how I look at my life and the best thing I have figured out recently was that I need to start living my life for myself!! I don't really know how to put it into words but there is a part of me that didn't really do the things I wanted cause of the fear Aijla's father would judge me and some how would make me feel horrible about my life... its a terrible thing to think but its how I have been living until about the last few weeks I have decided to slowly let all communication go away unless it was only about our daughter. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Life is going to get better for me I really am going to not give up even though sometimes I feel like its the easiest thing in the world to do I'm not a quitter and wont allow myself to do this.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Hope everyone enjoys there Monday [=</span>Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-90517993212460949942011-02-10T09:41:00.000-08:002011-02-10T09:52:12.844-08:00My life be like.....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgacS30ovBRXU1zqDwjgLm6v6G2G2E6FFtBqfsEoMKM_tzDGXUXIkR3dTmPQTl5LaF3wbwFhJHM3h5Z8zoiAF6kwuzav3TTqpMyAUxKxpKT3K-OubUoC4ImCNnKn2h242fHjOzNmPpba5AL/s1600/Aijla+and+mommy+lately+168.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgacS30ovBRXU1zqDwjgLm6v6G2G2E6FFtBqfsEoMKM_tzDGXUXIkR3dTmPQTl5LaF3wbwFhJHM3h5Z8zoiAF6kwuzav3TTqpMyAUxKxpKT3K-OubUoC4ImCNnKn2h242fHjOzNmPpba5AL/s320/Aijla+and+mommy+lately+168.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>I cant believe its almost been a month since the last time I have blogged. So much has been happening in my life this past little bit and I feel I need to get a few things off my chest. Aijla is SO big now she is 10 months and its gone by so fast she is tearing up the house more than ever now that she can crawl, getting into the Tupperware throwing it around the kitchen I'm always running behind her cleaning up something. This morning it was cotton balls between her and the dog they make a great team :).<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdCTHEr4WZoIVj_sOqYn54hyphenhyphenwe-SK0Anq16SjqKthl4f57s5oN3a3zufRdAVsSgWIE6lHVYveNzJhSoZA9EJe4FEBv3yMI54_H3kl1jIqCJHpBgo5NQuBIBEG1Nf0vGOeF_dVW6naw8NPv/s1600/Aijla+and+mommy+lately+199.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdCTHEr4WZoIVj_sOqYn54hyphenhyphenwe-SK0Anq16SjqKthl4f57s5oN3a3zufRdAVsSgWIE6lHVYveNzJhSoZA9EJe4FEBv3yMI54_H3kl1jIqCJHpBgo5NQuBIBEG1Nf0vGOeF_dVW6naw8NPv/s320/Aijla+and+mommy+lately+199.JPG" width="239" /></a></div><br />
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Ive been finally hanging out with more Friends which has made me allot happier knowing there are others out there that really do care to have me around its a very nice feeling to have.Work has been going good we had another flood like last year a week ago and that was horrible it just makes work crazy and the clean up in unreal i just want summer to come already, but i have been stepping up my game and trying to focus on the more important things in life.I have been getting along with aijlas father for the most part this past month i still never do anything right for him though if I do something or don't do something he still finds a way to get mad at me... I feel like sometimes I wanna just run away from my problems I have been battling them for almost a year. I am more stronger than I was a month ago so that has helped me out ALOT.. I had a friend tell me the other day, You know Jenna its not about moving on... its about accepting the fact its not what you want in your life.Ever since I heard this it has made so much since to me. The sun is sure shinning for me again in the lifetime I have a beautiful daughter, a great job, a house over our head my life is very simple and I love it. I look forward to sharing it with someone in the future, Until then thanks everyone for always making me smile and being there for me... you all know who you are <3Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-89010249294167839792011-01-19T18:42:00.000-08:002011-01-19T18:42:44.250-08:00Internal love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1KwEetoHXLMU8xnVmYl23X_-MZnoYOclWm4IpUJZALMwaltOD2VvzeVlbVu1AJYh4QmV8CpDQWLBmEN86g4qreSqtyAQVqTUI9Uue2FIKx6vWZJ0vwgjvm9xxq-No_ZwwpSIV12EuhlRH/s1600/love+ion+the+sand.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1KwEetoHXLMU8xnVmYl23X_-MZnoYOclWm4IpUJZALMwaltOD2VvzeVlbVu1AJYh4QmV8CpDQWLBmEN86g4qreSqtyAQVqTUI9Uue2FIKx6vWZJ0vwgjvm9xxq-No_ZwwpSIV12EuhlRH/s1600/love+ion+the+sand.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div>Is it really hard to find love within yourself? Why is it that everyone wants all the - external - things in life to make themselves happy? fast cars, designer jeans, the latest and greatest purse, the list can go on and on. Seems like everyone feels these are the "things" in life that complete them. I am first to admit that about 4 years ago I thought this.. I got myself in allot of debt just trying to keep up with everyone thinking I was SO HAPPY inside when I wasn't. Its amazing that once you stop thinking the grass is greener on the other side how much you realize the "internal love" you have for yourself. All those materialistic things don't make anyone happy, maybe for the moment they do but they either catch up to you later in life when your struggling financially... all for your ass to look good in a pair of designer jeans.I really think people need to be happy with what the have presently in life, family, children, good friends, maybe even the pair of jeans you have had since last winter. You don't have to think of always doing the next best thing to make yourself happy.. trust me if you just live for the moment and stop trying to impress everyone and just be Happy with yourself and what you have. Everything else will fall into place when its right. Most of those people who drive huge lifted trucks carrying 2 four wheelers on the back are struggling to pay there house payment and are prob living a very strapped for cash life all for everyone to think there happy. I have come to terms with my internal love and how happy I am for what I presently have, there are times when I want this and that but then I sit back and am so thankful for what I presently have in life and wouldn't change a thing. I have a home over my head for me and my daughter, a car to drive , a great job to make all this happen and I am completely happy with everything (:<br />
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- JennaJennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-76335324876339085242011-01-15T12:44:00.000-08:002011-01-15T12:44:36.062-08:00How to be your own Best friend<div itxtvisited="1" style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: center; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Many people spend years waiting for a soul mate to make them feel complete. Others settle for unfulfilling <span style="color: #0066cc;">relationships</span> out of fear of being alone. I believe we should fulfill our potential in life, with or without partners. Instead of expecting someone else to complete you, mastering the art of aloneness gives you mastery of your own life. </span></div><div itxtvisited="1" style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><br />
</div><div itxtvisited="1" style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: center; text-decoration: none;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I couldn't agree more with this and its what i am going to do in my life. <br />
"I'm going to manage my fear, so its doesn't manage me" I'm going to be alone I'm going to write down everything that I want in life and go for it. One step at a time. I will be OK</span></div><div itxtvisited="1" style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: center; text-decoration: none;"><br />
</div><div itxtvisited="1" style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: center; text-decoration: none;">I'm going to start to LOVE myself more</div><div itxtvisited="1" style="background-color: transparent; border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; color: black; overflow: hidden; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"></div><ul><li>I'm starting to go to the gym again and this is a HUGE step for me I use to go ALL the time till I had Aijla it really made me feel so much better about myself, and its time I go again Aijla is going to come with me too then when she gets older it will just be something Mommy and Me do after work.</li>
<li>I'm getting all my finances in order its feels so nice to get rid of "debt" and know that your not strapped, for a minute there I felt like I was drowning..slowly everything had just caught up to me.</li>
<li>I'm starting to focus more on my Career I have an amazing job and for a little bit I let my emotions get the best of me I would hate to lose my job. I have directed my focus more onto what I can do to better my job and I think I'm heading in the right direction..I'm very happy about this too :)</li>
<li>One of the major and TOP priorities is being the best mom I can be to my daughter, shes getting so big and learning so much in her young life and I just want to make sure I'm there for her, guiding her and teaching her all I can.</li>
</ul><div style="text-align: center;">This is just to name a few but its a start</div><div style="text-align: center;">These are the things that make me happy and I'm happy to say I'm doing everything being alone its a very different feeling but I'm getting use to it. I do everything alone at night and it feels nice I don't need to count on anyone but myself to make myself happy and aijla.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Granted I still am very lonely.... But I'm doing this for myself.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">I am my own best friend</div><div style="text-align: center;">Happy and Free</div>Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-47122361614784962802011-01-12T15:22:00.000-08:002011-01-12T15:22:38.059-08:00The Reason I Still Smile<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;">I might be going through one of the hardest things in life right now..</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;"> but at the end of the day I have the most percious baby girl to go home to.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikf3TyUtoo2yi32F6a5O1uZjbe-U3gN2Rc67bmrQO1sga1LFFnS3qAAh8OLRnD8yXCxkIHgq_onAsctmjrx43FUusjCgzNSS5TTZMevsqiozSrZk0LFDrHhas9fdC4jR6arItcRZps4eIg/s1600/aijla+at+lacheles+baby+shower.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikf3TyUtoo2yi32F6a5O1uZjbe-U3gN2Rc67bmrQO1sga1LFFnS3qAAh8OLRnD8yXCxkIHgq_onAsctmjrx43FUusjCgzNSS5TTZMevsqiozSrZk0LFDrHhas9fdC4jR6arItcRZps4eIg/s320/aijla+at+lacheles+baby+shower.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">Seriously I dont know what my life even consisted of before she was here. She brings so much Joy and laughter into my days. She makes me realize that "the sun is going to shine again" :)</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"> I do know I am very blessed to have what I have in my life.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">I love being a Mom</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">I work very hard to give my little girl the best life </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">She is getting so BIG she will be turning 1 in less than 3 months!!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">I look forward to many more years ahead of us little girl I cant wait.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVq1u914e8PS61hEZuGYa76Aj2F1F1ePCz4LvMQOXOk2_SUWqELWg-S1tap8hdpsNBHgwVdAAh2ZjuXIEDkn5RKZxQIMj_lh0ywJi0KDSonXvwY82R7LrF3hEivj6QYVRx8axu-7JXiQw0/s1600/my+little+carrott.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVq1u914e8PS61hEZuGYa76Aj2F1F1ePCz4LvMQOXOk2_SUWqELWg-S1tap8hdpsNBHgwVdAAh2ZjuXIEDkn5RKZxQIMj_lh0ywJi0KDSonXvwY82R7LrF3hEivj6QYVRx8axu-7JXiQw0/s320/my+little+carrott.bmp" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I cant wait for this year with all the fun things me and aijla have planned.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">We are going to Hawaii this summer I cant even wait</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">see her little feet walking in the sand I love that I get to</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">experience everything with her <3</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I am blessed to have her</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I hope I am the best mom for her like my mom has been to me!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> The joy of being a mom and the impact it has in your life</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">there is nothing that even compares.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Aijla I hope you know how much your momma loves you</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I would do anything for you and I will always be by your side</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Moms not going anywhere angle :)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Thanks for always making my days better.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Favorite moments:... she wakes up and I look in her crib</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">and she just SMILES from ear to ear</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Happiest baby ever!!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">She loves waking up to her momma every morning</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJd0yfJI9YYCVenrvaT8UGaNNabZitfWAL3xjcqm1ucCN3ZSFYx6PeCQXNjAM5FqvasDngk03t2V9M_n_hFj6wONuL20Edk261xdK4eW6CDqZyFbY__6YId8KYz7Gc_03AdTvIblStYCap/s1600/mom+and+aijla.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJd0yfJI9YYCVenrvaT8UGaNNabZitfWAL3xjcqm1ucCN3ZSFYx6PeCQXNjAM5FqvasDngk03t2V9M_n_hFj6wONuL20Edk261xdK4eW6CDqZyFbY__6YId8KYz7Gc_03AdTvIblStYCap/s320/mom+and+aijla.jpg" width="273" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><3 <3 <3</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-23252735931859758052011-01-08T19:07:00.000-08:002011-01-08T19:07:40.682-08:00Feeling LonleyWell 2011 its only Jan 8th and you have already made me stressed, uncertain about thinsgs in my life and feeling very lonley in this healing process.I know no one said it was going to be easy or happen over night but god I really need your help? I need you to look after me and my daughter and make sure everything is going to be okay for us. I feel so weak. I put a smile on my face more to show people im not hurting on the outside but its really not true....It was really hard for me today to go to Lacheles baby shower and see everyone today the beltrans are really the best family I have ever met and I couldnt be more happy that my daughter will be with them for life. I get so sad having to leave them or not knowing when the next time i may see them, but at the same time it only makes me sad. I need to start thinking about myself and my emotions that come along with seeing them, I do hope that everyone of them knows how truly blessed i am to have met each and everyone of them and I will love them all forever I feel like I need to go my way it just hurts me to bad weston and I are over. When i am stronger i promise you all i will see you :) i have chosen to be alone recently and I think it will only make my next relationship better i cant move on while im still not over Weston its not fair to anyone I date and I would hate to hurt anyone more than i already have to not be ready. I will be ready and I hope sooner than later but only time will tell. I found out today my step brother and his fiance are expecting another baby in Sept and I couldnt be more happy for them. I get super excited about all my friends and there familys. I do get sad as well im not going to lie i wonder how did it not work out for me? what did i do wrong? i tried soooo hard to make my family work and i got left im the one who is alone now:(<br />
It hurts and today is just one of the days i guess...<br />
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JennaJennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-21984116506095333152010-12-31T08:50:00.000-08:002010-12-31T08:50:36.539-08:00New Years Eve -<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaYYXLmovdyl3uhmh-l9Gzok3b8MznR8FK1XCGCxvqex6M6lgG74y6eUTuSMy4r12FgRiGLpXWdbT-D_lpY3NPLckxjgg2rxV67JZeWRoo9w2NrS169Lxey3frWHmqZnDkpovZi0k9PHwq/s1600/new+years+eve.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="142" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaYYXLmovdyl3uhmh-l9Gzok3b8MznR8FK1XCGCxvqex6M6lgG74y6eUTuSMy4r12FgRiGLpXWdbT-D_lpY3NPLckxjgg2rxV67JZeWRoo9w2NrS169Lxey3frWHmqZnDkpovZi0k9PHwq/s200/new+years+eve.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>New Years Eve today (: "sigh"..... can I tell you how excited I am to put this year 2010 behind me? Its been a very rewarding year with the birth of my daughter... so the most heartbreaking year!! I have learned with every challenge it has brought me and am only better and stronger than ever. Its time for myself to start coming first I am always so worried about pleasing everyone else and everyone else feelings and I need to be a happy healthy mom for my daughter. Its the most important thing in the world. I am so excited for the opportunities that await me and Aijla.. there are still going to be days that I need an "kick in the butt" but that comes with the healing process. I can finally say I am healing it feels great to know that my day has come:) I am going to focus on my career more and pushing myself more than I ever have I want to succeed and I'm the only one who has the power to do so. I have so many goals I want to accomplish this year for 2011 and I am on the right track. No one is going to control me and what I do I have allowed myself to be strung for so long the past 8 months and I lost control of who the real Jenna is.. its time to move on and make myself happy. Who knows what the future has in store for me and my daughter new people, old people only time will tell... but I do like everyone else... want a happy ending !!!<br />
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Have a save and happy new year everyone<br />
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-JennaJennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-13058647665801648692010-12-17T09:51:00.000-08:002010-12-17T09:51:20.731-08:00Work Christmas Social<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Tis the Season once again for our annual work Christmas Social. I call it a social cause its no where near a party haha but its still very fun to get everyone together for a few hours and have some fun.</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioM0cFz2fCALwf8IM1pmW71BQ2b8g65CBjRNxuGxnzkgjsMa4U1CpxX5lfe_K0wCsdBuOor3ZMyTo4Ls0yr2OSfbGVUSUUXL4cURibViGY73mBRa8ofG9K3J-Ogd2A5xJB358uHHpNPhQi/s1600/Work+Christmas+Party+2010+011.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioM0cFz2fCALwf8IM1pmW71BQ2b8g65CBjRNxuGxnzkgjsMa4U1CpxX5lfe_K0wCsdBuOor3ZMyTo4Ls0yr2OSfbGVUSUUXL4cURibViGY73mBRa8ofG9K3J-Ogd2A5xJB358uHHpNPhQi/s320/Work+Christmas+Party+2010+011.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"> cute girls I work with</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaSHCnLRuQGmrjYgr8yGAPW7IXDABVP1kszYqihY7Tzjidi4cC8GK5Sr3JYva2zOeEZV62WN3B6jauOibW47ekApsrt5M0DWD1xsKPZI14mHdTK9NGx63tkTCe6I2z2MGgt2c0iIQlw9Vu/s1600/Work+Christmas+Party+2010+008.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaSHCnLRuQGmrjYgr8yGAPW7IXDABVP1kszYqihY7Tzjidi4cC8GK5Sr3JYva2zOeEZV62WN3B6jauOibW47ekApsrt5M0DWD1xsKPZI14mHdTK9NGx63tkTCe6I2z2MGgt2c0iIQlw9Vu/s320/Work+Christmas+Party+2010+008.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">My little brother Jorden who Works with me as well <3</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">a few of the ladies in our company homemade the food it was so yummy way better then last year it was like Thanksgiving Dinner all over again.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZsUSHwXSl3pwlQ1LNslelQNtx3HoQ6O3-ie05lq_honRnsX4Qs4c5oRb1g61aP4lj0JSmF_Age37k42c6S4kgRT6mgVasgeeZ80mbXtplLk5UTwtVBP6sQisVLPFOb1W06_tJb9E-2T3_/s1600/Work+Christmas+Party+2010+007.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZsUSHwXSl3pwlQ1LNslelQNtx3HoQ6O3-ie05lq_honRnsX4Qs4c5oRb1g61aP4lj0JSmF_Age37k42c6S4kgRT6mgVasgeeZ80mbXtplLk5UTwtVBP6sQisVLPFOb1W06_tJb9E-2T3_/s320/Work+Christmas+Party+2010+007.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Shelbi, Myself and Cindy</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8pZkL8-DaNJK-dueXe5jyUvD-4SAUa_x9Wh4uQ1COFq_MkNEOeGW-Y8LIsJZcph7LcNIgn3IpG1z5usd9LPwDvIg8romlIvcICinKB313HZoNOzcPRhPR2IZ_zN7jqnYfaAJ5rVoXfi3h/s1600/Work+Christmas+Party+2010+010.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8pZkL8-DaNJK-dueXe5jyUvD-4SAUa_x9Wh4uQ1COFq_MkNEOeGW-Y8LIsJZcph7LcNIgn3IpG1z5usd9LPwDvIg8romlIvcICinKB313HZoNOzcPRhPR2IZ_zN7jqnYfaAJ5rVoXfi3h/s320/Work+Christmas+Party+2010+010.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Thank these wonderful ladies for there hard work in the Kitchen :)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqw6DNthvsGY5TlosYmvKREeFUhmtILeiXgJgy20FS6RKB-5E1tIr8_Gr39rPqoSovZZyxvNcY3eM9XR-2E1a-mHgwVxM0khcBBsLOgyueZb3R6W6oIksBMVEcKsAzv_GIXs5_LuweHN-9/s1600/Work+Christmas+Party+2010+005.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqw6DNthvsGY5TlosYmvKREeFUhmtILeiXgJgy20FS6RKB-5E1tIr8_Gr39rPqoSovZZyxvNcY3eM9XR-2E1a-mHgwVxM0khcBBsLOgyueZb3R6W6oIksBMVEcKsAzv_GIXs5_LuweHN-9/s320/Work+Christmas+Party+2010+005.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Not really sure who these ladies are... jk We <3 them</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">It was a fun little get together I won a $50 gift card to Sears witch was nice even though I dont think ive ever even been to Sears... so im gonna go check it out.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Happy Holidays!!</div>Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-47635101490754419642010-12-14T09:43:00.000-08:002010-12-14T09:43:51.893-08:00All good things come to an end...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQZy_cS8eKSVgmlS7BDVYsqZjDxPvTj2yRDz-rotx7XOOYombDRbnX0jIl-PTCs_KFx_Qj66LyyEwztWWnwCrDMLJjD-0FVGVEFnL0HlSIeWl0FLvkyD1xxWBs94H7WfkhDNay5mYTNUsV/s1600/end+of+the+road.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQZy_cS8eKSVgmlS7BDVYsqZjDxPvTj2yRDz-rotx7XOOYombDRbnX0jIl-PTCs_KFx_Qj66LyyEwztWWnwCrDMLJjD-0FVGVEFnL0HlSIeWl0FLvkyD1xxWBs94H7WfkhDNay5mYTNUsV/s1600/end+of+the+road.jpg" /></a></div>Well its been finally said and done with December 12 ,2010 it has all come to an end.. I guess you could say I knew this day was coming I was just hoping it never would... wishful thinking i guess :( I gave it my all for the past 7 months with very minimal in return always talking myself into trying more and more everyday even though it hurt so bad. I never wanted to give up on the one thing that mattered to me the most. Weston called me and i could tell he was upset he said he just wanted to tell me sorry for all the pain he has caused me... well and that was it the conversation was short and ended. If been told to leave Weston alone and to not talk to him unless it has to do with our daughter its very hard for me to cope with. Knowing I'm only hurting myself trying to talk to him when i know the outcome isn't going to change. When something like this is said to you, Quote "Jenna if i wanted to try and make things work I would, if i wanted to hangout with you then I would ask" he even asked me Quote " Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want the same thing back?" It finally hit me like a ton of bricks... and i knew it was over i knew for my own sanity i have to move on i should of done this months and months ago but i didn't I can move on with my head held high knowing i did everything i could to be with him. Hes not happy and neither was i to be honest if only he wanted to give it all to me things in my eyes would of been great.. but then again maybe I'm just justifying everything to be with him. He gave me a beautiful daughter and that's all that matters at the end of this hes a great dad with her and as long as hes in her life I'm happy. My emotions are still all over the place there will be days that are better than others but I'm going to keep smiling as i deserve to be happy :) I have deleted the last and finally connection we have tied together (besides our daughter) but that is Fb I'm sick of being hurt and i think the only way for me to heal is to be out of all the drama.. friends family everything its not good for me right now and i really hope this helps.Well i really hope there is never another hurting Blog about me life with Weston.. well actually there probably will be since i know this isn't going to be easy.. but its life and it doesn't always go as planned... until next time keep your fingers crossed for me!!<br />
<br />
- JennaJennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-77974652162309809912010-12-08T14:42:00.000-08:002010-12-08T14:42:40.442-08:00Take a Number :)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrj04yJU6MnKp-mGq8mowURiHwNtEgSZxrOs0cgVJkk77LFOwtiyyej-D86BeqEPCP1XJ1A9a8OrCn5fqiaVkGMY9tGwXr5diRTj2v4EVivXdvXhl64tObBflOS4_oKjNfeYk1btocrl-3/s1600/number+pictre.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrj04yJU6MnKp-mGq8mowURiHwNtEgSZxrOs0cgVJkk77LFOwtiyyej-D86BeqEPCP1XJ1A9a8OrCn5fqiaVkGMY9tGwXr5diRTj2v4EVivXdvXhl64tObBflOS4_oKjNfeYk1btocrl-3/s1600/number+pictre.jpg" /></a></div>Wow!! So much has changed in my life I went from thinking I was going to be alone to many opportunities to not be alone!! Its so hard for me to date right now I have gone out a few time with a couple different guys it was fun, I laughed kept my mind occupied for the time being but I still am having the hardest time with it. Guess that means I'm not ready yet you think>? I have no idea what to do... I still talk to Steve every now and then hes a great guy hes just looking for more one on one relationship and its not something I see myself in. We haven't hung out in quite some time. I have met a few others a plumber from my work.. hes super sweet and actually got in touch with some old people i use to go out with they both have little girls that are so cute!! and its a great feeling knowing there are so many boys that are willing to out of there way to show you they care its very flattering to have all these guys throwing themselves at me in all i guess i just wish Weston would see what a great person i really am and want to come home to his family all i can think about is the one who left me broken hearted and doesn't care... I haven't gone out recently with anyone and I have allot of pressure put on me to continue to hangout with the few i was seeing... I just want to be alone is that OK? I'm not over Weston and its hard for me to even think about being with someone else right now... So many choices in life and I guess I'm trying to figure out what is best for me and my daughter but I think I'm on the right path to healing and everyday i get better and stronger to sometime soon show someone how much love I can give!Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-86957841691916604952010-12-08T14:11:00.000-08:002010-12-08T14:11:45.130-08:00New look at life [=Gosh were to I even start... So much has happened in a better way then that last time I have posted. Weston went back to his old ways of not wanting to make things work once again... shocker huh? haha hes so confused in life its ridiculous i don't doubt that he loves me and one day wants to be with me... but right now he docent want me. Funny thing is he doesn't want me IN his life nor OUT of his life. He is still currently seeing the other chick and that bothers me allot.. no one wants to be treated like this and I believe there is allot more going on then I even know. One thing I do know is that I feel very good about my life I feel OK and that this is where I need to be I don't waste my days and nights crying and begging for him to come back... cause hes just not and there is no point in my wasting my feelings on someone who doesn't care. Its taken me along time to get to this day I mean a REALLY long time... I'm still sad but better than a few months ago I have a beautiful daughter who gets to be with me everyday and its what my life is about. I have still been seeing Weston here and there its definitely not easy by any means but it is what it is. I'm hoping its not to late when he actually lets me know what he wants in life.... one thing i do know its doesn't involve me for the time being. I'm still smiling and doing my thing but there are allot of others out there that are willing to show me exactly what I want I guess when I feel its right for me to give my heart to someone else I will.Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-33394034540150045662010-12-08T13:49:00.000-08:002010-12-08T13:49:16.275-08:00Family Pictures<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0TWdqIn_TRgyX7j-oIHYD7SigvYkTnKh9bJY3LX0tVigGxuBt5JICTpHUYynwl74qFQ_5jXWeEGpQCKayhegxmfjuUX1Iy458K4Q7pmRz5urZfi9nuKuQnxroF4aB5ZjByBOnUdvMZr9k/s1600/Aijla+and+mommy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0TWdqIn_TRgyX7j-oIHYD7SigvYkTnKh9bJY3LX0tVigGxuBt5JICTpHUYynwl74qFQ_5jXWeEGpQCKayhegxmfjuUX1Iy458K4Q7pmRz5urZfi9nuKuQnxroF4aB5ZjByBOnUdvMZr9k/s320/Aijla+and+mommy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Aijla and I recently went and got out pictures taken with Chad from Faces Photography! It was so cold but I was so excited to finally get some update photos done of me and her. She was being such a good baby and giving me all her faces that we <3. But trust me that didnt last long Im thinking its because she was getting over having a cold and just didnt feel well. <div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc3kyw-Wir1xoaT19Dvp4TGiAjyOxz8aKXjV1v16Q2VpPrhEHf5hOTeXrxHWV6ICzP2rDBDWLQJgRM1-tKmL2f43ZPwrbD8hHtnD7sLhxpn3rZDj4-kGp6jfv8MU9fWCQbOD_R2gQ0gLDW/s1600/Aijla+Faces+Profile.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc3kyw-Wir1xoaT19Dvp4TGiAjyOxz8aKXjV1v16Q2VpPrhEHf5hOTeXrxHWV6ICzP2rDBDWLQJgRM1-tKmL2f43ZPwrbD8hHtnD7sLhxpn3rZDj4-kGp6jfv8MU9fWCQbOD_R2gQ0gLDW/s320/Aijla+Faces+Profile.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">Isnt she the most adorable thing you have ever seen!!!!!!!</div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">We had a good time with what shots we got we didnt stay long cause there ended up being more crying shots than anything.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8VNFA1saWqHvdboijGfO1f4HKjERyfzaQsEF6H-31GS4fS2MbEfz4QiPsRq3y4omfcNZKOw_qWn8KaukDdsidrVKy59mJU-ANocvahDmTsyb4UwmQcXMsPES7a2dmcIhWHEZzTRzsbqlp/s1600/Aijla+and+mommy+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8VNFA1saWqHvdboijGfO1f4HKjERyfzaQsEF6H-31GS4fS2MbEfz4QiPsRq3y4omfcNZKOw_qWn8KaukDdsidrVKy59mJU-ANocvahDmTsyb4UwmQcXMsPES7a2dmcIhWHEZzTRzsbqlp/s320/Aijla+and+mommy+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div align="center" class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">Hope you Enjoy and Happy Holidays!!</div>Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-88313300234432248192010-11-23T18:12:00.000-08:002010-11-23T18:12:44.890-08:00Its nights like this..make me miss youI'm home snuggled up with baby Aijla and its the best feeling in the world! Its the first blizzard of the year and we are just locking ourselves in the house watching movies in our jammies drinking hot coco :) its nights like this that I miss being a family with Weston. He told me yesterday that he wanted to take things slow and work our way to being a family again!! I was shocked I had no idea what to even say... honestly I have waited months for him to say this to me to actually want to take a risk. I hope hes telling me his true feelings and really wants to do this 110%. He told me he wanted to start slow and make a great friendship again before we jump back into anything. I already don't see him enough that it actually hurt my feelings... I'm so sick of being alone I just don't know what to think about it. I know we need to be friends but I want a partner not a buddy.. I'm going to do whatever it takes and not give up I just wish he was with me and Aijla tonight chilling like a family waiting out the storm :( hes at his house didn't really seem like he wanted to chill. I want to be happy is that so hard to ask for? I'm so scared I'm going to get hurt again.. I just wish he was jumping for joy to want to be with us.. anyways its a great time of the year and I'm so grateful to have baby Aijla with me and I'm going to take in the moment now and be happy I'm alive.Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-9847558320555752832010-11-21T19:12:00.000-08:002010-11-21T19:12:57.614-08:00Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyu3v_T7gUhSOQyCrwNmwfMzQEVQHte2Xw-WXex646RXpA4lXMv8Zs3YojRQ-nAzITzrTQWe_MpbJeGaRphUJW9jA8t1HPONQxsvX60hKmUTJu6BeJCPn1SaV8xk-snCKP7ud0FBsVCaMN/s1600/ornaments.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyu3v_T7gUhSOQyCrwNmwfMzQEVQHte2Xw-WXex646RXpA4lXMv8Zs3YojRQ-nAzITzrTQWe_MpbJeGaRphUJW9jA8t1HPONQxsvX60hKmUTJu6BeJCPn1SaV8xk-snCKP7ud0FBsVCaMN/s320/ornaments.jpg" width="243" /></a></div>SNOW!!! Yes its finally here!! Now the Holidays are even closer I am especially excited this year to have Aijla and my family.. seriously nothing beats family. Its going to get sad since this will be the first year with out Weston but I have to look at it as a new start for me and Aijla so much more fun and cheer coming our way!! I'm jamming to Christmas music already at work its drives everyone crazy especially jorden.. its great i love itI can finally say I'm EXCITED about the Holidays now. Ive gotten way positive the past week in knowing that its over and how much better i deserve and i need to put all of this love and dedication into making myself happy and not someone who isn't worthy of it. <br />
ahhh.... I went to Costco today and bought 4 decent size poinsettias to decorate the house with i love the feel its added to the house already!! i just wanna put my tree up too.. but ill wait one more week!! I'm going to buy Aijla her first ornament and hang it on our special family tree :) Thanksgiving is in less than a week its so crazy how fast time is flying when you have a child that keeps you busy all day everyday!! Me and Aijla are going to sleep at Nana Cindy's house so when we wake up we will be surrounded by people we <3 and start the festivities... I hope everyone has a great Holiday!!Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-61903856650614212812010-11-13T07:49:00.000-08:002010-11-13T15:08:51.966-08:00" When a heart breaks, it don't break even"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">Day # 2 without talk, text, or anything from Weston. I feel so much better most days but it's so few and far between. I'm super down this morning and I just don't understand how someone can do this to their family? I'm falling to pieces and he doesn't care. How can someone want a baby and a family and then one day not and just walk away start dating someone else who has small kids and everything just be ok? This hurts so bad, I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired!!! I deserve to be happy to and I feel like this pain isn't going to to away for a really long time :( I miss so much about my family!! I know this isn't just going to go away over night but i just want to feel loved again... is that so much to ask? I tried everything for my little girl to see her parents together and it just wasn't "worth it" to him. It breaks my heart, I never signed up to do this alone... I can do it so that's better than most people can say but it's not what I had planned. I feel so empty and taken for granted BIG TIME. He knows how to get to me and I hate being hurt while hes just out with some other chick then when shes not around hes texing and talking to me... I thought he was somebody different and he totally made me see his true colors. I'm not going to be around forever and i think he thinks that but all he can be to me is Aijla's daddy. He needs to leave the Pieces and go!! I need to be strong and keep my chin up I have a lot going for me in life and I can't let this get to me and bring me down. It's so much easier said then done.<br />
<br />
On a better note...<br />
</span><br />
I have started talking to this guy Steve and it's amazing how much someone can impact your life with a little bit of smiles and laughter :) It makes you think about how much better you feel knowing there is someone else out there and you wonder what you have been doing crying over someone who doesn't love you for the past months... I feel like SUPER Jenna when we talk. It's the little things and that's what matter the most. I get giddy and actually look forward to the next time we talk its a great feeling. I'm not ready for a relationship but it's great to have a new friend like this... and maybe when I'm ready it could go somewhere... He keeps me happy and already knows what a great genuine person I am without even really knowing me.Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-64207327264150327232010-11-11T21:12:00.000-08:002010-11-12T09:32:09.070-08:00Such a Great New Day :)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKinq0n5mEnL6_ZuPg7oIRZjEzpluNATsiLD3KbBcX6Eg_r7WUwOBmNtp_ztikITGIpPJy2l4100KzDucfQtY7jFWO0V2UDgcpETGTuGGHlRkstmPrG5_V1NM4UkpxIuF_DC_I2MYv1q8S/s1600/chels+and+Jenna.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" px="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKinq0n5mEnL6_ZuPg7oIRZjEzpluNATsiLD3KbBcX6Eg_r7WUwOBmNtp_ztikITGIpPJy2l4100KzDucfQtY7jFWO0V2UDgcpETGTuGGHlRkstmPrG5_V1NM4UkpxIuF_DC_I2MYv1q8S/s320/chels+and+Jenna.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: inherit;">Ahhh.. I had such a better day today then most. Work was so busy so it kept my mind going and thanks to good friends I make it though the day! I seriously couldnt do it without chelsea.We went to school together back in the day... lost touch and now have regained our friendship through this hard time in my life. She has been though this and it helps out alot when someone who has experienced this same thing can tell you everyday " trust me in time it gets easier" when I am at my lowest she is there for me, no matter how many days I cry to her it never gets old she just sits back and listens. I am so grateful to have her by my side. We also have the most beautiful kids and am so happy Aijla has her little Brookers to play with they are so cute together.. and of coarse Aijla will be watching over Brooklyn through the years :) Its amazing what children can do to your life and I couldnt be more grateful to have Aijla.</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ25keCcYiNhMI2691s1xj29QNC5OmuBoGP7yG0fo8-mZo7nFYB6e-IL_OVm4sxDruMUm7DHAQRlJ8SU1Tcr6Uh_reMC9nWVhlhOLleo20G-ObHw9dK-60D1QwaLJhJLcdkWANm_Cpnkfy/s1600/aijla+and+boo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" px="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ25keCcYiNhMI2691s1xj29QNC5OmuBoGP7yG0fo8-mZo7nFYB6e-IL_OVm4sxDruMUm7DHAQRlJ8SU1Tcr6Uh_reMC9nWVhlhOLleo20G-ObHw9dK-60D1QwaLJhJLcdkWANm_Cpnkfy/s320/aijla+and+boo.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2281289169795471052.post-62755079377800740782010-11-10T15:00:00.000-08:002010-11-12T09:33:09.064-08:00Sad goodbyes...to our fresh new start!<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: inherit;">Yay!! Thanks to my Bff Chelsea I have decided to get a blog so I can share so many life changes with everyone! This is so great to me I wonder why it took me so long to do this? Ahhh, anyway life has really changed so much for me in the past 6 months. I have a beautiful baby girl Aijla Jo and I couldn't be happier! She has brought so much love and laughter to my life and she makes every day worth smiling for. Her father and I have been though a lot this past year, having a child isn't easy and sometimes when you think you are ready you realize you are not and he realized that and left.....]= I have been through hell and back this past month trying to deal with the fact that I lost my partner and someone who I thought loved me. I am having the hardest time everyday... I just feel so lost and alone. I don't understand how someone can just leave their family behind. I tried EVERYTHING I could to keep my family together... that's what you do when you love someone so much. He didn't care, he chose what he thought was best for him and I hope he is happy with the choices he has made. I have experienced the pain, handled it, and now it's time for me to try and move on. I have a little girl who needs to know her momma's going to smile again. She makes everything worth it [=</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: inherit;">Lately I have been working like crazy the past couple months with my new property opening up and doing a very intense lease-up. I love my career and have come so far with it and am very happy with the accomplishments I have made in propery management. I am going to keep working my way to the top :)</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #666666; font-family: inherit;">I am so EXCITED for the Holidays I seriously can't wait to share this special seasion with Aijla, great family, and amazing friends. It's definitely going to be different this year and I know I'm probably going to get sad but at least I have Aijla. Hearing Christmas music on the radio already makes me so giddy!!! Yay! I can't wait and I'm going to try my hardest to keep being strong because I have so much to look forward to in life and I cant wait to share it with everyone... <3</span>Jennahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07410053159295194901noreply@blogger.com0