Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Internal love

Is it really hard to find love within yourself? Why is it that everyone wants all the - external - things in life to make themselves happy? fast cars, designer jeans, the latest and greatest purse, the list can go on and on. Seems like everyone feels these are the "things" in life that complete them. I am first to admit that about 4 years ago I thought this.. I got myself in allot of debt just trying to keep up with everyone thinking I was SO HAPPY inside when I wasn't. Its amazing that once you stop thinking the grass is greener on the other side how much you realize the "internal love" you have for yourself. All those materialistic things don't make anyone happy, maybe for the moment they do but they either catch up to you later in life when your struggling financially... all  for your ass to look good in a pair of designer jeans.I really think people need to be happy with what the have presently in life, family, children, good friends, maybe even the pair of jeans you have had since last winter. You don't have to think of always doing the next best thing to make yourself happy.. trust me if you just live for the moment and stop trying to impress everyone and just be Happy with yourself and what you have. Everything else will fall into place when its right. Most of those people who drive huge lifted trucks carrying 2 four wheelers on the back are struggling to pay there house payment and are prob living a very strapped for cash life all for everyone to think there happy. I have come to terms with my internal love and how happy I am for what I presently have, there are times when I want this and that but then I sit back and am so thankful for what I presently have in life and wouldn't change a thing. I have a home over my head for me and my daughter, a car to drive , a great job to make all this happen and I am completely happy with everything (:

- Jenna

Saturday, January 15, 2011

How to be your own Best friend

Many people spend years waiting for a soul mate to make them feel complete. Others settle for unfulfilling relationships out of fear of being alone. I believe we should fulfill our potential in life, with or without partners. Instead of expecting someone else to complete you, mastering the art of aloneness gives you mastery of your own life.

I couldn't agree more with this and its what i am going to do in my life.
"I'm going to manage my fear, so its doesn't manage me" I'm going to be alone I'm going to write down everything that I want in life and go for it. One step at a time. I will be OK

I'm going to start to LOVE myself more
  • I'm starting to go to the gym again and this is a HUGE step for me I use to go ALL the time till I had Aijla it really made me feel so much better about myself, and its time I go again Aijla is going to come with me too then when she gets older it will just be something Mommy and Me do after work.
  • I'm getting all my finances in order its feels so nice to get rid of "debt" and know that your not strapped, for a minute there I felt like I was drowning..slowly everything had just caught up to me.
  • I'm starting to focus more on my Career I have an amazing job and for a little bit I let my emotions get the best of me I would hate to lose my job. I have directed my focus more onto what I can do to better my job and I think I'm heading in the right direction..I'm very happy about this too :)
  • One of the major and TOP priorities is being the best mom I can be to my daughter, shes getting so big and learning so much in her young life and I just want to make sure I'm there for her, guiding her and teaching her all I can.
This is just to name a few but its a start
These are the things that make me happy and I'm happy to say I'm doing everything being alone its a very different feeling but I'm getting use to it. I do everything alone at night and it feels nice I don't need to count on anyone but myself to make myself happy and aijla.
Granted I still am very lonely.... But I'm doing this for myself.

I am my own best friend
Happy and Free

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Reason I Still Smile

I might be going through one of the hardest things in life right now..
 but at the end of the day I have the most percious baby girl to go home to.

Seriously I dont know what my life even consisted of before she was here. She brings so much Joy and laughter into my days. She makes me realize that "the sun is going to shine again" :)
 I do know I am very blessed to have what I have in my life.
I love being a Mom
I work very hard to give my little girl the best life
She is getting so BIG she will be turning 1 in less than 3 months!!
I look forward to many more years ahead of us little girl I cant wait.

I cant wait for this year with all the fun things me and aijla have planned.
We are going to Hawaii this summer I cant even wait
see her little feet walking in the sand I love that I get to
experience everything with her <3
I am blessed to have her
I hope I am the best mom for her like my mom has been to me!
  The joy of being a mom and the impact it has in your life
there is nothing that even compares.
Aijla I hope you know how much your momma loves you
I would do anything for you and I will always be by your side
Moms not going anywhere angle :)
Thanks for always making my days better.
Favorite moments:... she wakes up and I look in her crib
and she just SMILES from ear to ear
Happiest baby ever!!!
She loves waking up to her momma every morning

<3 <3 <3

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Feeling Lonley

Well 2011 its only Jan 8th and you have already made me stressed, uncertain about thinsgs in my life and feeling very lonley in this healing process.I know no one said it was going to be easy or happen over night but god I really need your help? I need you to look after me and my daughter and make sure everything is going to be okay for us. I feel so weak. I put a smile on my face more to show people im not hurting on the outside but its really not true....It was really hard for me today to go to Lacheles baby shower and see everyone today the beltrans are really the best family I have ever met and I couldnt be more happy that my daughter will be with them for life. I get so sad having to leave them or not knowing when the next time i may see them, but at the same time it only makes me sad. I need to start thinking about myself and my emotions that come along with seeing them, I do hope that everyone of them knows how truly blessed i am to have met each and everyone of them and I will love them all forever I feel like I need to go my way it just hurts me to bad weston and I are over. When i am stronger i promise you all i will see you :)  i have chosen to be alone recently and I think it will only make my next relationship better i cant move on while im still not over Weston its not fair to anyone I date and I would hate to hurt anyone more than i already have to not be ready. I will be ready and I hope sooner than later but only time will tell. I found out today my step brother and his fiance are expecting another baby in Sept and I couldnt be more happy for them. I get super excited about all my friends and there familys. I do get sad as well im not going to lie i wonder how did it not work out for me? what did i do wrong? i tried soooo hard to make my family work and i got left im the one who is alone now:(
It hurts and today is just one of the days i guess...