Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Its nights like this..make me miss you

I'm home snuggled up with baby Aijla and its the best feeling in the world! Its the first blizzard of the year and we are just locking ourselves in the house watching movies in our jammies drinking hot coco :) its nights like this that I miss being a family with Weston. He told me yesterday that he wanted to take things slow and work our way to being a family again!! I was shocked I had no idea what to even say... honestly I have waited months for him to say this to me to actually want to take a risk. I hope hes telling me his true feelings and really wants to do this 110%. He told me he wanted to start slow and make a great friendship again before we jump back into anything. I already don't see him enough that it actually hurt my feelings... I'm so sick of being alone I just don't know what to think about it.  I know we need to be friends but I want a partner not a buddy.. I'm going to do whatever it takes and not give up I just wish he was with me and Aijla tonight chilling like a family waiting out the storm :(  hes at his house didn't really seem like he wanted to chill. I want to be happy is that so hard to ask for? I'm so scared I'm going to get hurt again.. I just wish he was jumping for joy to want to be with us.. anyways its a great time of the year and I'm so grateful to have baby Aijla with me and I'm going to take in the moment now and be happy I'm alive.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas

SNOW!!! Yes its finally here!! Now the Holidays are even closer I am especially excited this year to have Aijla and my family.. seriously nothing beats family. Its going to get sad since this will be the first year with out Weston but I have to look at it as a new start for me and Aijla so much more fun and cheer coming our way!! I'm jamming to Christmas music already at work its drives everyone crazy especially jorden.. its great i love itI can finally say I'm EXCITED about the Holidays now. Ive gotten way positive the past week in knowing that its over and how much better i deserve and i need to put all of this love and dedication into making myself happy and not someone who isn't worthy of it.
ahhh.... I went to Costco today and bought 4 decent size poinsettias to decorate the house with i love the feel its added to the house already!! i just wanna put my tree up too.. but ill wait one more week!! I'm going to buy Aijla her first ornament and hang it on our special family tree :) Thanksgiving is in less than a week its so crazy how fast time is flying when you have a child that keeps you busy all day everyday!! Me and Aijla are going to sleep at Nana Cindy's house so when we wake up we will be surrounded by people we <3 and start the festivities... I hope everyone has a great Holiday!!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

" When a heart breaks, it don't break even"

Day # 2 without talk, text, or anything from Weston. I feel so much better most days but it's so few and far between. I'm super down this morning and I just don't understand how someone can do this to their family? I'm falling to pieces and he doesn't care. How can someone want a baby and a family and then one day not and just walk away start dating someone else who has small kids and everything just be ok? This hurts so bad, I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired!!! I deserve to be happy to and I feel like this pain isn't going to to away for a really long time :( I miss so much about my family!! I know this isn't just going to go away over night but i just want to feel loved again... is that so much to ask? I tried everything for my little girl to see her parents together and it just wasn't "worth it" to him. It breaks my heart, I never signed up to do this alone... I can do it so that's better than most people can say but it's not what I had planned. I feel so empty and taken for granted BIG TIME. He knows how to get to me and I hate being hurt while hes just out with some other chick then when shes not around hes texing and talking to me... I thought he was somebody different and he totally made me see his true colors. I'm not going to be around forever and i think he thinks that but all he can be to me is Aijla's daddy. He needs to leave the Pieces and go!! I need to be strong and keep my chin up I have a lot going for me in life and I can't let this get to me and bring me down. It's so much easier said then done.

On a better note...

I have started talking to this guy Steve and it's amazing how much someone can impact your life with a little bit of smiles and laughter :) It makes you think about how much better you feel knowing there is someone else out there and you wonder what you have been doing crying over someone who doesn't love you for the past months... I feel like SUPER Jenna when we talk. It's the little things and that's what matter the most. I get giddy and actually look forward to the next time we talk its a great feeling. I'm not ready for a relationship but it's great to have a new friend like this... and maybe when I'm ready it could go somewhere... He keeps me happy and already knows what a great genuine person I am without even really knowing me.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Such a Great New Day :)

Ahhh.. I had such a better day today then most. Work was so busy so it kept my mind going and thanks to good friends I make it though the day! I seriously couldnt do it without chelsea.We went to school together back in the day... lost touch and now have regained our friendship through this hard time in my life. She has been though this and it helps out alot when someone who has experienced this same thing can tell you everyday " trust me in time it gets easier" when I am at my lowest she is there for me, no matter how many days I cry to her it never gets old she just sits back and listens. I am so grateful to have her by my side. We also have the most beautiful kids and am so happy Aijla has her little Brookers to play with they are so cute together.. and of coarse Aijla will be watching over Brooklyn through the years :) Its amazing what children can do to your life and I couldnt be more grateful to have Aijla.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Sad goodbyes...to our fresh new start!

Yay!! Thanks to my Bff Chelsea I have decided to get a blog so I can share so many life changes with everyone! This is so great to me I wonder why it took me so long to do this? Ahhh, anyway life has really changed so much for me in the past 6 months. I have a beautiful baby girl Aijla Jo and I couldn't be happier! She has brought so much love and laughter to my life and she makes every day worth smiling for. Her father and I have been though a lot this past year, having a child isn't easy and sometimes when you think you are ready you realize you are not and he realized that and left.....]=  I have been through hell and back this past month trying to deal with the fact that I lost my partner and someone who I thought loved me. I am having the hardest time everyday... I just feel so lost and alone. I don't understand how someone can just leave their family behind. I tried EVERYTHING I could to keep my family together... that's what you do when you love someone so much. He didn't care, he chose what he thought was best for him and I hope he is happy with the choices he has made. I have experienced the pain, handled it, and now it's time for me to try and move on. I have a little girl who needs to know her momma's going to smile again. She makes everything worth it [=

Lately I have been working like crazy the past couple months with my new property opening up and doing a very intense lease-up. I love my career and have come so far with it and am very happy with the accomplishments I have made in propery management. I am going to keep working my way to the top :)

I am so EXCITED for the Holidays I seriously can't wait to share this special seasion with Aijla, great family, and amazing friends. It's definitely going to be different this year and I know I'm probably going to get sad but at least I have Aijla. Hearing Christmas music on the radio already makes me so giddy!!! Yay! I can't wait and I'm going to try my hardest to keep being strong because I have so much to look forward to in life and I cant wait to share it with everyone... <3